How To Skyrocket Your Confidence

Alison said, “I want to be like my sister-in-law, great at realizing my dreams. I don’t think I’ll ever amount to such capacity.”

I can relate. I’ve too envisioned myself trying to be like someone else other than me. I wanted to be like other young women 'daddy's little girl'. The abandonment of one parent led to the incessant need to be loved and appreciated by a father figure.

Please, know this. Of course you can draw inspiration from Founding Father, George Washington; Scientist, Albert Einstein; Television Host, Oprah Winfrey; and First Lady, Michelle Obama or from your sister-in-law. Watching others live in their light is very motivational.

It’s excellent to know your sister-in-law inspires you. Yet, when you spend your entire life trying to be like your greatest role model, George Washington, your mother, sister-in-law, the neighbor, etc. The entire world will be cheated from benefiting, and being uplifted by the creative, daring person you are, and gifts only you possess.

1. Know that you're desirable with flaws and everything.

Surely, there are habits, attitudes and tasks that you haven't mastered. Don't sweat it. There are also a lot of talents, skills, and capacities which make you desirable to the world.

When you feel broken and full of flaws consider Kintsugi (golden joinery) or Kintsukuroi (golden repair). Kintsugi is a Japanese art of repairing broken objects with gold adding to it beauty, rather than something to disguise. For example, pottery with lacquer is dusted or mixed with powdered gold.

When Kintsugi originated it was believed that enamored collectors with the new art were deliberately smashing valuable pottery so it could be repaired with the gold seams of kintsugi. This golden art repair is closely related to a Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi which embraces breakage or flaws.

2. Compare yourself to (the disempowered you) and (the empowered you).

Prince Albert who later became George VI was not expecting to be King of the United Kingdom. He reluctantly took this position after his brother had abdicated the throne to marry American socialite Wallis Simpson. Albert dreaded public speaking, because he suffered from a stammer. To improve his delivery the Duke received speech therapy.

The Duke was "easily frightened and somewhat prone to tears". Although, Albert could be seen as disempowered by his stuttering (which he never fully overcame), and fears. The Duke was someone who learned to step into his power. He practiced breathing exercises, and rehearsed incessantly eventually learning to speak with less hesitance. He also accepted the throne, despite of his personal challenges and inabilities.

3. Compete against your biggest excuse.

Everyone has one, so I'm not shaming anyone. Even I have complained at one point or another. My biggest excuse was I can't do it, because I don't have support. For others, it could be money, status, geographical location, position, health, ideologies, attitudes, so on and so forth. Be honest about what is stopping you. Let's assume that your excuse is a real limitation.

Perhaps, you couldn't go to work, because your car broke down and you live in a neighborhood which lacks easy access to public transportation. It's a real limitation. Maybe you couldn't finish typing your publication before the deadline, because you lost access to the internet to continue doing your research. Definitely, a setback. Or you could not pay your car debt, because you were suffering from loss, and your emotions didn't allow you to think properly to sustain a job. Absolutely, understandable.

Now, that the recognition of the limitation has been made. Let's surrender, what has gone out of your control, and observe what is possible.

Challenge 1: You didn't make it to work. What to do? Call a friend (no one available). Take your bicycle (impossible in the snow). Alternative, contact a taxi (no cash flow to pay). Then order an Uber or Lyft (not enough money in the bank). Rent a car if you have milage points or other membership program (not enough points). Then finally call your job and honestly accept that you're not meant to go to work on such day. Surrender. Plus, fix the car. Practice taking your car for maintenance regularly.

Challenge 2: Couldn't meet the deadline for your publication. Direct contact the one in control of the deadline, if they refuse. Then save this project for the next opportunity. Trust, it will come. You'll be better prepared.

Challenge 3: You lost your car because of your debt. Take public transportation in the mean time as time consuming as it is. Enjoy being an observer, and rebuild. Life doesn't end with a repossession. Once you're back on your feet, you can purchase a car again. You'll start looking physically attractive from all the walking you're going to be doing in the meantime. Such a plus for your +health, +mind, and +spirit.

It's easy to feel shame when things don't go as planned, or when you're face to face with a real limitation. No matter how big the excuse, work with it by going down a checklist, and compete against it. Besides who said you can't thrive after a missed day at work, a missed opportunity at fame, or a car loss.

Feel free to come up with even greater solutions. At every step of the way you have the opportunity to be a Greater Authentic You, and not a greater he, she or they. Copy Over.

Take Away

1. Know that you're desirable with flaws and everything. When you forget this, remember that collectors of Kintsugi would even deliberately break dishes to have their dishes artistically restored with gold. The beauty of a broken dish repaired was desirable. You are desirable to the world.

2. Compare yourself to (the disempowered you) and (the empowered you). When you feel disempowered, compare to the empowered person which you can become. Even a king who faced adversities, leaned towards his power. You too can lean towards your power.

3. Compete against your biggest excuse. It is a fact, that limitations do exist. Approach them with a list of alternatives. Challenge yourself to compete against them. You're not the victim of your circumstances. You're the hero, the symbolic leader. It is your right to succeed.

Finally, neither task is easy. Most learning happens with practice. It's better to practice, practice, practice, practice. Wayne Gretzky said "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take".



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